M.E. and me

:(

Posted on 5/17/2010 at 1:12:32 AM

Im feeling quite low at the moment. I’m not sure why, just incredibly frustrated, fed up and upset with my whole situation. I don’t want to be in bed anymore infact I actually hate being in bed. I want to be out, working and with my friends. I feel as if im in the blackest part of the tunnel, as i cant remember what is like to feel well and i cant see myself getting better so i can not see light at either end of the tunnel.
I dont want this anymore i want to be my old self and i want to have a life. Im fed up of sleeping it away.
I feel very isolated and very trapped. There are parts of living in the middle of nowhere that I love and parts that I hate. This is one of them. I feel that if i lived in the city i would be able to meet more people and possibly also have a chance of attending college one day a week to help myself but i would have a 22 mile drive for that one day that i just can’t do.
Im trapped in my own body and my own home and its getting me down so much.
My life has stopped and it really isnt getting going again and I resent this illness so much. I resent my body for not letting me live the way i want to.
I’m so frustrated i just want to shout and to scream and to cry. Instead im just having to cry so i dont wake my family up.
I have no consept of time as i loose track of the days and weeks. i thought it was friday when its actually sunday. I just know that im ill and i have been for a fucking long time.